Chinese New Year. Hmm what is the meaning of it? To some its just a holiday, to some its just red packet collection, to some its a festive occassion which brings a family together. Sometimes I feel envious when people tell me they are so tired from visiting, like stop complaining? Cos you don't know how lucky you're to be able to see the rest of your extended family at least once a year. There are people, like me, who don't get a chance to. Every year its a small family affair. Not that I'm complaining, its just I miss those days of going back to Ipoh, meeting up with relatives on my dad's side. The extravagant affair of have a huge dinner and being seperated by tables, one for adults and one for kids. At least during those times that I remember is when I'm still a child. Now we would all be adults. It has been a long time I guess. Not only that, the after dinner sitting around, children running outside to play with fire crackers, running away when the p0lice comes. Its such fun to be part of a big family. I am part of a big family, but that big family is in parts right now.
Sibling rivalry is deadly.
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Admist frantic typing, voices shouting over each other, shifting of the papers, there sits a lone girl in white.
A girl who sits at her desk quietly with a lone tear down her cheek.
A wrenched heart and a tear stained face.
A lone girl sits quietly in her office.
Overwhelmed.
With sadness.
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I feel..
Lost...
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How do you live with someone who hates you? Who does not understand that everything lies on top of you. Expectations, frustrations, stress, hate all comes onto me. Things at home are always tense, always all the nagging. All because of me. Me me and me. My education to be exact. I blame myself constantly for putting my family in this plight. My brothers without a doubt blame me constantly for the plight that my family is in. They get the nagging, and the scolding but they don't understand that I get it worse. Because I don't get the support from people that are supposed to be my closest. Instead, I get blamed constantly. When I come back, I spend my own money. The money that I earn from work. When I go out, its using my money. I don't use my parents money anymore. I already try but yet. I still live with someone who hates me.
Exerpts from his blog:
i'm tired.i dunno what to feel.everytime i go home, i feel so sian.i dont wanna do work.my parents always lament short of money.my sis acts like shes some big deal.my brother is screwed up.money's not increasing at exponential rate(if only)i can't afford to go do ex stuff like buy a new instrument.my father still clips my wings.i stay in school till bout 7 then go home.ok i had np trainings on those days!but its rally sian la.my sis don't realise the reality and still keeps going out like nobody's business.not to mention spending money.i'm pissed and fed up of the same talk from my dad and nagging from my mum.my ears ring and i dunno how long i gonna take it before i juz leave the house and change my name.
i dunno what to feel man.i am pretty stable.just that i've had it with these $$ problems and people who don't care a shite about it and still keep going out.and when i ask her to get her friend donate to my 120 cause.the guy attitude me and i tell em go and die.and its not face to face.its just overheard on phone.stupid bastard.
He doesnt realise he got me into trouble for nothing.He doesnt even treat me like a sister anymore. Why should I even want this little brother of mine. He never thinks he's in the wrong.
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All the best people. If anyone hit the jackpot with these numbers. Remember me!
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I love Bingo Days. Its always so much fun!
=D
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I made up my mind to only blog about happy things. Even if I'm down, I'll not let it out here. I want people to read my blog and be happy and not be depressed about me. So yes, today I shall start blogging happy things. =D
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Today I saw the other side of my boss. I mean everyone has to sides, the side you show to people and the side that you don't often show.
Personal opinion: I feel that usually higher management have to show a certain amount good tempermental skils, especially in front of surbodinates. Because as the higher management, it is you who is supposed to set an example to the surbodinates and is actually a reflection on the department.
So anyway, today an alarm system was installed at my office. I mean yeah ok, normal, installing the alarm system, considering that I work in Cisco. Alarm being alarm will have cables and naturally cables will have covers right? I mean, its common sense. But my boss was out for a meeting when the guys came to do it, so they just did their job and then my boss sent an sms to our colleague to tell the guys to do not have cable covers. But by then, the entire job was almost done. Everything was drilled and then my boss slammed her way in. Sheesh, that look on her face, I sure hope that she'll never because of me give that look. But anyway, she came into the office and started screaming at the work guys how ugly it was and how the colour of the sable covers did not match the wall colour. Sheesh, she was there ranting and ranting and going on about how ugly it is. And best, she made those guys take out everything, pull the cables out and made sure the cables were to be installed hidden. Also, they were to cover the drill holes with the same coat of paint colour of the wall.
And after all the ranting, it was done.
Sigh and that's my boss.
Personal opinion: I feel that usually higher management have to show a certain amount good tempermental skils, especially in front of surbodinates. Because as the higher management, it is you who is supposed to set an example to the surbodinates and is actually a reflection on the department.
So anyway, today an alarm system was installed at my office. I mean yeah ok, normal, installing the alarm system, considering that I work in Cisco. Alarm being alarm will have cables and naturally cables will have covers right? I mean, its common sense. But my boss was out for a meeting when the guys came to do it, so they just did their job and then my boss sent an sms to our colleague to tell the guys to do not have cable covers. But by then, the entire job was almost done. Everything was drilled and then my boss slammed her way in. Sheesh, that look on her face, I sure hope that she'll never because of me give that look. But anyway, she came into the office and started screaming at the work guys how ugly it was and how the colour of the sable covers did not match the wall colour. Sheesh, she was there ranting and ranting and going on about how ugly it is. And best, she made those guys take out everything, pull the cables out and made sure the cables were to be installed hidden. Also, they were to cover the drill holes with the same coat of paint colour of the wall.
And after all the ranting, it was done.
Sigh and that's my boss.
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This is one show I missed in Australia. This is one show I hope I'll not miss in Singapore. Cos it just came out in Singapore!
Who can resist Cameron Diaz?
*swoons*
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Its 11am and I'm already starting to blog. Yup, today really other than packing 7 goodie bags, there really isnt much to do. In fact nothing at all. So here I am again, blogging at 11am. I already can forsee another entry later in the afternoon. But nontheless, since I'm bored speechless with my boss at a meeting, which means I got nothing to do. Hmm, contemplating going downstairs to help Ape. Heh, she'll kill me if she sees this. Oops, sorry babe, you know I love you right? ;)
Alright, moving on to happier things. The NTU Pagaent 2006 - Glass Slippers held yesterday at the NTU Auditorium. I was late to arrive there to start with, due to work committments up to 6pm. The pagaent was supposed to start at 7pm. However, when I got there, there was still a long queue outside the auditorium. But ok, at least it was great to see some old friends. Kianli, Yihui, Daphne, Soon Kwan, Kim Pern.. I seldom see them around and it was great seeing them once again, especially my girls. =D So seated at 745pm, half the auditorium was still not filled. Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... Unfortunately this event organised by NTU do not seem to adhere to wedding dinner rules that events must start on time. Note the word this event, I have not attended enough events at NTU to know if all their events are like that. But anyway, finally at 830pm, the 2 hosts came out of which one I cannot even be bothered to talk about cos her english was just atrocious. And my main aim there was to see my darling girl. She was great, her poise, walk, dance. Everything about her was beautiful that night! Though I left early, my heart was still wondering how she would fare. And....
1st Runner Up and Miss Stylish - Mikeller Ho
I am so so proud of her. More pics another time about her. Oh and another thing to bitch about. Qantas has f*cking cheap tickets! http://www.qantas.com.au/regions/dyn/sg/globaldeals/SIN
Its only $498 return to travel to Brisbane, excluding taxes. But that's f*cking cheap! Cos I pay $820 for an SIA ticket. But then again, think about the hassle I went through before in Brisbane International Airport. Nah.. No more Qantas for me.. And its
45 mins to lunch time!
Oops...
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I'm so bored at work I'm actually blogging. Its not that my job is not fun. I must admit this is one of the most versatile jobs I've ever worked in. But assignments finished and its back to facing the computer and acting busy once more. BORING!!! But this job is interesting. My main job is to source for companies that will do like printing, event location, restaurant booking for CISCO. Oh yup, did I mention that I was working in CISCO? According to Wilson, he said its a high time that CISCO start hiring hot security chicks. I'm flattered I must admit. =p
But anyway, job aside. Tonight, tonight my darling Mimi is taking part in the NTU pageant!
This is my babe. http://su.ntu.edu.sg/up2006/final7.htm And honestly I think that she's the best of the lot.
45 mins to the end of work! Woot...
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Blog surfing today made me realised that my life is not very fufilled. Well, I go out, spend time with friends and stuff but my life just seem to be lacking something. I have friends who involve themselves in acting/drama, travelling, learning new things. Such a colourful life in Singapore. I always thought that you can never have such colourful life in Singapore and that you have to be overseas to experience a new life. Today, unfortunately only today, I realise a colourful life is painted by oneself, regardless of country or place. 21 years of age I am now, almost everything I do is always half half. Piano was not completed, japanese was given up after half a year, everything is done halfway. Somehow it seems boring. I had a normal secondary school life, a normal college life without much accomplishments. In fact a normal uni life too without much uni activities.
Hmm, but all talk no action doesnt really help. So I finally found my wish for the year 2006.
To lead a more fufilling life.
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Tears that flow freely. Like free. Or they are taken as if they are free. The wrench, the hurt and after all that. My tears are still taken as if they are free.
I was hoping 2006 will be a better year. Apparantly not.
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I am so so lazy with updates but its always customary to have a blog entry about the new year and reflect about the old year. So here's my 2 cents' worth of my old year and welcoming the new.
Year 2005 has been one heck of a ride for me. More downs are more in sight than the ups. This year, my heart has gone through alot more than I have gone through in a long long time. This year, I cant say for sure whether I have grown more mature or less. I cannot tell. And I don't even know if that is a good or bad thing. But one thing for sure, Jess has changed. Jess does not openly talk about her problems anymore, not just to anyone. Jess in someway has lost herself, wait it might not been losing myself. It would keeping to myself. Some has said that the beginning of the year me and the end of the year me is very different. 2005 has finally left my life but had brought some of its loose ends to 2006. Loose ends I hope to tie up soon before the uni starts
2006. What is there to expect? Alot. What is there to wish for? Alot. It is my final year of uni, and a whole heap of anticipation. Here's to a better year ahead of all of us. To wash away our old problems in this year of 2006.
=D
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